Advice? Im so confused ....?

I think i'm in love with him, but I dont want to be. He's not the one I want to end up with this is all wrong. Am i just in denial? Ive known him for about 4 years, but we've been close for a little over a year. We always fight and then make up and fight and makeup..and so on. Even when I blocked him out of my life, after a couple months I couldnt stand it cause I couldnt get him out of my mind. We've dated like 3 times, but for me its like a pattern. Im crazy about him for a while and then he gets under my skin and i cant take it anymore and then we fight/break up and then it starts all over. And I get super jealous, even when im at the "i cant stand you" point. I dont want him to love any girl but me or be loved by any girl but me. We have great chemistry and he knows me and I know him like no one else. I just cant decide whether I want to kill him or marry him. This feels a little too selfish to be love, but what else could it be? Im so confused and I hate this feeling.